Hawaii, a beautiful place to live with lots of beautiful plants and animals. But are they all from Hawaii? Hawaii is rich with an endemic biodiversity. Endemic means that it originated in Hawaii and was not a type of introduced specie. Biodiversity is the number and variety of species in one area. Species brought to Hawaii are part of its biodiversity but can also ruin the greatness of it. Invasive alien species in Hawaii are a threat to Hawaii’s rich biodiversity.
Hawaii’s biodiversity has many unique and well adapted species. Most of them aren’t even found anywhere else but in Hawaii. Invasive species came here by themselves or were brought here. The early settles brought as food, so they had something to eat. The Hawaiians brought “32 species of plants, geckos, pigs, and rats. In less than 2 millennia Hawaiians had forced 17 flightless birds to go extinct.”(http://www.explorebiodiversity.com/Hawaii/Pages/conservation.htm). Birds such as the flightless goose to the Hawaiian ‘O’o has gone extinct because of alien invasive species. These birds were here from 1000-1300 years ago. Then another reason why they were brought here is to solve problems from species that were already ruining the biodiversity. But once the problem is gone, the species that were brought here would multiply and become a larger population.
Another invasive species that is a threat to Hawaii’s biodiversity are humans. Humans harm the native animals by capturing them and altering the natural habitats, these areas that the native species would need to survive. Once they alter it, the habitats for the native species would get eliminated and the native species would not be able to survive anymore. Due to Hawaii’s small animals that were not adapted to compete, Hawaii became vulnerable to its threats. If these native species become extinct, the stunning array of plants and animals will quickly disappear. If they disappear, Hawaii’s biodiversity wouldn’t be rich in its unique and large variety of animals.
Due to the Invasive species, Hawaii’s biodiversity has suffered for it. Hawaii’s biodiversity is as rich as it is now because of the native species. Its native species have well adapted to its environment and are about to live and reproduce easily. But because of Invasive alien species, they are becoming extinct. When they become extinct, Hawaii’s biodiversity wouldn’t be good anymore because it would have a small amount of species in this area. A type of native specie that is now becoming extinct because of its threats are the Silversword, it was still recovering from its depletion from collectors but is now having a hard time about Argentine Ants that attack its pollinators. Another is the Oahu tree snails. They are rapidly disappearing from Oahu’s forests from people collecting it’s shell. The biodiversity mostly depends on its variety of different animals. And if the native species continue to become extinct, there wouldn’t be much of a variety except the invasive species that came to Hawaii.
The invasive species are affecting Hawaii’s biodiversity. They only thrive on a specific habitat and when they do, the native species living in that habitat would become extinct. They would limit the sources that are needed by the native species that were already in that habitat. When its sources are limited, they are forced to compete and since they were adapted to compete, they won’t be able to survive. They would also mess with the interaction of the native species, interaction that they need to survive and multiply. Invasive alien species would also prey on native species, give them diseases, and hybridize. Having all these threats that affect the native species, would affect the way that Hawaii’s biodiversity was.
Hawaii’s biodiversity is important. We need the native plants and animals. They recycle nutrients, produce oxygen, pollinated plants and these plants are used for crops, fibers, and medicine. The biodiversity is good for human health, economy, ethical, and aesthetic reasons. They perform needed ecological roles in our biosphere.
Hawaii has 30 vertebrates, 102 invertebrates, and 515 plants that are considered “critically imperiled globally”. This means those 1–5 occurrences and/or fewer than 1,000 individuals remaining. All these animals and plants played an important role in Hawaii’s biodiversity and played ecological roles. Every year, Hawaii receives and excess of 20 new species. All of which could destroy and eliminate the native species by creating a competition that the native species are vulnerable to.
Little grammer errors here and there, but not enough to make me go insane. (Ok, maybe just a little, but that's not the point.)
ReplyDeleteIf you could find an equivalent word to Biodiversity, it'll make your paper a little less monotonous.
In my opinion, I think you should have put the paragraph about humans being invasive last, with a little more emphasis on it to help give readers a kind of 'wake up call'.
The information is good, but most of the starts for each paragraph are similar. Try and shake it up a little bit; almost every paragraph seems to start with 'invasive species' or 'biodiversity'.
Hello Bek Bek,
ReplyDeleteThis is Shaneika.
Ok, let’s get this over with:
1st paragraph:
1st Sentence: You sound redundant. Try coming up with a different adjective other than beautiful. Why not take out the first ‘beautiful.’
Try to stay away from questions in your essay.
3rd sentence: Take out the word endemic and just merge sentence 1 and 2 together. Just change it to this: “Hawaii is rich with an endemic biodiversity, meaning that it originated from Hawaii and is not a type of introduced specie.”
You keep repeating the words: ‘biodiversity’ and ‘species.’
Try to change your sentences around.
I also recommend that you talk more about the importance of native species in Hawaii and why invasive species are ruining it. Also, talk about how the balance of nature is critical in all ecosystems and environments.
Second Paragraph:
3rd Sentence: Could you describe how invasive species came here by themselves and by way of how they were brought here. Like, if these species were brought here by way of cargo ships or were intentionally introduced by humans.
4th Sentence: Change your word from ‘settles’ to ‘settlers.’ Also, add the word ‘them’ between the words ‘brought’ and ‘as.’
5th Sentence: Change ‘millennia’ to ‘millenniums.’ And then, add a comma between the words ‘millennia’ and ‘Hawaiians.’
8th Sentence: Remove the word ‘from.’
9th Sentence: I would prefer that you change your sentence to: “These species were also assumed to be the solutions to problems that were harming the ecosystem and so were brought here.”
10th Sentence: I don’t understand your last sentence. Are you trying to say that these alien species became invasive? If so, you could change your sentence to this: “However, things didn’t go as planned. They multiplied to the same amount of number such as the species that were already harming the ecosystem. So, they caused a larger ecological problem.” Or something like that.
You need a smoother transition to the next paragraph.
3rd Paragraph:
ReplyDelete1st Sentence: I prefer that you come up with a better and catchier beginning.
2nd Sentence: Why do they capture these native species? How are they altering their natural habitats?
4th Sentence: I don’t think that they are necessarily ‘small’ animals because large birds such as the nene aren’t adapted to compete, either. And threats caused by who?
5th and 6th Sentences: Could you explain in these sentences why the biodiversity must be balanced?
4th Paragraph:
1st Sentence: Don’t you mean that “Hawaii’s biodiversity has suffered [because] of it?
2nd Sentence: What do you mean by ‘about?’
4th Sentence: Could you explain why it is not a good thing that there be a small amount of species in the area?
6th Sentence: The word you should use in replace for ‘about’ should be ‘from.’
Why is variety important?
5th Paragraph:
4th Sentence: Don’t you mean that they were[n’t] adapted to compete?
What is that interaction that the native species need to multiply and survive?
Explain why the food chain is important as well.
You could use a smoother transition.
The last sentence of your body paragraphs should sum up all the things that you talked about in that specific paragraph.
6th Paragraph: You have a few grammatical errors.
I love how this paragraph briefly explains the importance of biodiversity.
7th paragraph:
2nd Sentence: I don’t really get what you are trying to say.
Few grammatical errors.
6 Traits
ReplyDeleteIdeas: I love the variety of sources that you used and how you used them effectively throughout your essay to relate to biodiversity.
Word Choice: It’s okay, although you could use better adjectives. In some paragraphs, you are redundant in some of the words that you used.
Organization: I liked the way you organized your essay in a cause and effect form. You did that pretty well.
C&P: There are few grammatical errors here and there. That can be fixed.
Sorry for the long comment.
ReplyDeleteHI Rebekah,
ReplyDeleteWhat was your specific question about your essay? This one is looking pretty good, to me :)
You cover the topic and related it to Samoa after all :)
If you have a specific question on your revision, come see me tomorrow :)
mrs s
Hi again Rebekah,
ReplyDeleteSheesh, I must've been falling asleep when I wrote the last comment! I have no clue what the reference to Samoa is...
I agree with your critiquers that you have a wealth of information here. Was your question dealing with organization? I think that would be the area to work on for your revision. It looks as if you've organized in several different ways in this essay. Thus, it almost "starts anew" in the middle of the essay when you begin to introduce the specific invasive species that have been causing the problems.
It looks as if your organization is basically cause (brought in by settlers, brought in to solve problems, impact of humans) and effect (extinction, impact on biodiversity). I think the difficulty comes in on where you introduce the specific examples...
Come in on Wednesday and let's look more closely at the organization.
Sorry about that weird, half-asleep comment earlier :)
mrs s