Explosion of the beginning
Anticipating and waiting, the words of how I spent my last few minutes of the 09'. As my cousin and I sat outside watching the little kids giggle over a few morning glories, i heard my uncle say that our biggest show this year is their neighbor lighting up over a dozen of aerials. I looked at him in shock, I've never seen the aerials right up close and now i was going to get to see it right above my head. As the 2010 crept closer, their neighbor decided to wake up everyone with a countdown blast from their blow horn. With each piercing blow came big cheers from the surrounding houses. When it was 10 seconds from the new year, they held it until everyone yelled "Happy New Year!" and they lit up all their aerials. My world was now, bright rainbows lights above me along with hugs and smiles all around me. I was glad to share this new year with my family and my friends.
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Hi Rebekah,
ReplyDeleteGood job of finding a focus and then building your paragraph around it. I liked the way you described your world at the end as being bright, both with fireworks and fellowship.
I think you could have been a bit more specific about the morning glories and the sounds of the horn and the cheers...the inclusion of auditory detail was good. Good attempt, also, at effective titling.
assessment score: 3
mrs s