To everyone, science fiction is basically just another type of made up story. Why? Because that’s what fiction is all about. What they don’t realize is that science fiction (sci-fi) is a much more intelligent and refined version of a fiction. We don’t even realize that most of the new technology now might’ve been a sci-fi back then. These things we have, a cell phone, a laptop, an ipad, etc. might have been just a dream that seemed impossible back then. Sci-fi movies and stories take these impossibilities and use it to show the world that it is possible but with it comes good and bad results. So now a question remains, what is science fiction? It is a fantasy that involves how science would affect society. A good science fiction should make you speculate and imagine, it should have a good story to it, and it should have the breakthrough because these are what makes the people interested and these allow them to be informed.
Science fiction should arouse the audience’s sense of wonder. It should get them to explore the possibilities in their mind, to make up their own solutions and make up their own scenarios. A good science fiction would make the audience imagine themselves in that type of situations. Arousing their sense of wonder means to make them think ahead of the story, make them question things about the story. For example, in the movie “matrix”, in the beginning Neo learns that he is “the one” but throughout the whole movie, he wonders what it means to be “the one”. While watching this movie, I couldn’t help but wonder myself, “what does it mean?” I also wondered what it would be like to live in a fake world, a programmed world. A way to know if a science fiction is really good is when the story bugs you, or provokes you into thinking “how would my life be if that really happened?” If a science fiction makes you ask these types of questions, then it has captured you and woke up your sense of wonder.
Science fiction needs what every story needs, a good plot. A good plot is the same as a good storyline. A good plot means that it would make sense to whoever would read or watch it. It leaves them wondering throughout the whole story and it makes them want to keep reading or watching. But a good plot would also leave them pondering after the story. Being suspenseful in a sci-fi is a must. It allows everything to build up and be surprising and be satisfying in the end. An example of a good plot is in the movie “Wall-e”; it starts off with a normal day as the robot named Wall-e. It shows how the earth looks like and what the little robot; left by itself is doing on the empty planet. The story starts to build up when another robot named “Eve” comes to the planet, obviously in search for something. Being a curious person, around this time of the movie, you’d be asking “where did she come from, what is she?” This is a good thing to have in a plot because to get people to keep watching, the story needs to make them get interested. In Wall-e the story starts to build up as the Wall-e finds himself in a ship in outer space, where the “Eve” came from. And the story continues on by showing what the ship is for, what Eve’s purpose was for going to earth. As the story builds up, it answers a few of the viewer’s questions but it would also make them ask even more questions until they find themselves getting to end and having their wonders be satisfied. A good sci-fi story builds up and adds twists and makes the viewer make their own conclusions.
Lastly, a science fiction’s main requirement is a breakthrough. A scientific breakthrough that is possible and the breakthrough that has its upsides and of course, its downsides. The breakthrough should take the story in unexpected and interesting directions. Science fiction takes a type of technology and advances it out of this world. A technology that seems impossible. In the movie “Minority Report” they have a technology that allows them to see who the killer is and who the victim is before it happens, it also allows them to see where and when this would happen. This is a big breakthrough that would save a lot of people’s lives. Not only will it save them, it will also put criminals in jail for even thinking about harming another. Although this breakthrough has good upsides, a good sci-fi would show all of the major possible consequences. The negative consequences in the “Minority Report” was that they would arrest the criminal minutes or even seconds before it happens, not knowing that criminal’s could change their mind right at the last minute. So they could be putting innocent people in jail. In this movie, they had some minor breakthroughs, like how their computer works, it runs on a big screen and you can use it just with the touch of your fingers, not only is this an easier technology, it is also helpful. A good sci-fi needs to have a big breakthrough that would affect the whole story.
Hey Rebekah!!
ReplyDeleteHere’s my comment, and I’ll try my best to keep it condensed :D ohh! And im glad you’re finally over your case of writer’s block
Introduction: Nice beginning sentence, although you might want to use the word ‘entertainment’ instead of story... but I know what you’re getting at (:
I like how you put the Sci-Fi in ( ) to show that it is the abv. of ‘Science Fiction’, makes sense
It would make your paper stronger to take out the ‘etc.’ and just list ideas. If you really want the ‘etc.’ at the end, then try to replace it using phrases like ‘and many more’ or something along those lines.
There are parts throughout the essay that have rhetorical questions... I don’t actually think they add to the message of the paper, (that, and everytime I put that in an essay, Mrs. Sueoka told me to take it out)... and there are ways to rephrase it.
(e.g. 2nd paragraph “While watching the movie, I couldn’t help but wonder to myself the significance of ‘the one’, or what it was like to be in a programmed world.”)
I like your thesis statement (: it does a good job on defining good science fiction.
Body: oo niice first sentence ‘arouse the audience’s wonder’ captivated my attention
Capitalize ‘The Matrix’, please. Thank you very much (:
Last sentence was well written, and it brought a gradual closure to the first paragraph
Overall there wasn’t much to change in this paragraph, good job!
To make the paper stronger in message, don’t use ‘and’ ‘so’ or ‘but’ (etc.) to start off the sentence- “however” or “yet” sounds the same and gets the point across better
The second to the last sentence was a little confusing... I think it runs on a bit, and I suggest taking out one of the ‘questions’ (the word)
And the last sentence states its point well, although change one of the ‘make’ to a synonym for a better flow
Hey you know what I just noticed after reading all three body paragraphs? They’re the same points I put in my essay, just in a different order! ^^ how cool
I DO see how the technological advances in “Minority Report” can help or hurt society!! (even though I didn’t watch that one) good job in explaining your example
The conclusion brings good closure to the paper
The one think you may have to look out for is saying that Sci-Fi was only intended for informing the public on possible technology advances. Science fiction is made for entertainment first... as it is still a form of fiction. What most people may take from it- will be the wonder of what will actually happen in the real world, if something similar will come about from science.
Overall great job! I really understood everything you were trying to say because it was clear and easily read. (:
Thumbs up!
Peace!
Korie
Ugh!!! Sorry took so long in critiquing, I accidentally deleted my previous commentary. So, I had to rewrite it. ---____---
ReplyDeleteAnyway,
Hey Squishy Mushroom!! You should know who this is already. :D
Ok, here I go to my critiquing:
Introduction:
Try rephrasing your sentences instead of using rhetorical questions.
Don’t use “etc.” instead use “many more...”
I would prefer you include specific movies. This will help the reader understand and will have an idea about what sci fi movies are.
Make your thesis a little smoother. (A good science fiction has a good story line that allows the audience to ponder over the scientific breakthrough and keeps them informed and interested.) OR something like that.
I like the fact that you included this sentence: “Sci-fi movies and stories take these impossibilities and use it to show the world that it is possible but with it comes good and bad results.” This informs the reader that there is a possibility for anything to happen, especially in a technological sense.
Body:
“sense of wonder” definitely caught my attention. ^^
Instead of using “make up” use a stronger verb.
Try rephrasing this sentence: For example, in the movie “matrix”, in the beginning Neo learns that he is “the one” but throughout the whole movie, he wonders what it means to be “the one”. Good inclusion of those questions. It allows the reader to understand the connection a viewer makes when watching a movie.
Few agreement and grammar errors on this one.
Be careful when using semicolons. Only use them when combining two independent clauses or when combining clauses connected by conjunctive adverbs or transitional phrases. For example, “It shows how the earth looks like and what the little robot; left by itself is doing on the empty planet.”
“....as the Wall-e finds himself in a ship in outer space, where the “Eve” came from.” Is Wall E and Eve objects or characters?
Rephrase your sentences: “And the story continues on by showing what the ship is for, what Eve’s purpose was for going to earth. As the story builds up, it answers a few of the viewer’s questions but it would also make them ask even more questions until they find themselves getting to end and having their wonders be satisfied.”
Tip: Don’t use “and” or “because.”
Good ending.
“A scientific breakthrough that is possible...” I don’t understand what you mean in this part of the sentence. Either you are trying to say that it should be realistic or something else. Aren’t scientific breakthroughs technological advances that we thought would never be possible to accomplish?
“In this movie, they had some minor breakthroughs, like how their computer works, it runs on a big screen and you can use it just with the touch of your fingers, not only is this an easier technology, it is also helpful.” This is a run on sentence and the word “like” is bothering me.
Good job in presenting the negative and positive consequences!! ^^
Conclusion:
Good job in restating your thesis in your concluding paragraph. That is of utmost importance because the conclusion is the most memorable part of the essay.
Again, avoid rhetorical questions. Instead, rephrase your sentences in a way that still appeals to the reader.
Ooooh “didactic.” Never heard of that word before.
Good job in this paragraph. You were able to elaborate on the “why do we make sci fi” question.
Overall, good job on your essay, although you have a few errors. However, the content of your essay and its meaning was well brought out in your essay.
^^
OOoops!! I see an error in my tip..
ReplyDeleteActually, it's supposed to say: Don't use "and" or "because" in the beginning of a sentence.
Use them only when combining sentences together. For example, She likes pepsi + He likes Coke = She likes pepsi and he likes coke. Not: She likes pepsi. And he likes Coke. :D
Hope you understand what I am trying to say.
Hey rebekahh!!!
ReplyDeleteSo imma comment on your essay :]
Introduction:
Nice introduction, I like that you explained about what science fiction is and your thesis was clear. A couple of suggestions to you would be to not question. For instance, you questioned (why?) and (So now a question remains, what is science fiction?) Ms. S said to try and avoid questions in your essay. Another thing is the (etc.), I agree with your other commenter that you should replace it with something along the lines of (and much more) or something like that. In your introduction I think that you over use the word “good” and “possibilities” too much. I think that you should pick your words more carefully and using different words can make your essay sound much better. But I like your introduction and you ended it with a good thesis.
Body:
First paragraph was very well thought out. I liked how you use “The Matrix” movies as part of your evidence and added personal opinion although you have to remember to capitalize your movie title. Again, the words “good” comes up A LOT. I think you should find other words to replace it. Your body was organized and you had excellent examples to support your ideas. Like how you brought up “The Matrix” and “Wall-e” and “Minority Report”. It made sense and it made your reasons stronger. In all three paragraphs I noticed the main thing you talked about was your example, which I think you prosecuted very well since you explained why it was you chose the movie that supported your topic. Overall, I liked how you transitioned your paragraphs because it made the essay flow smoothly. In your last paragraph you used the transition word “Lastly,” which I thought was a satisfying way to know that it was your last reason for your topic.
Conclusion:
I think that your conclusion was satisfying. You concluded everything very concisely and you went straight to the point. You wrapped everything up by restating your thesis and overall I enjoyed reading your essay.
-Maddie:]
Hi Rebekah,
ReplyDeleteWell, I have finally remembered to finish my commentaries :) sorry so late!
Okay...your teammates have made some good comments and suggestions. The ones about rehorical questions are spot on. The comments about confusion with pronoun-acntecedent connections is a good one, too.
Try to differentiate a little more between your first and second reason...they seem very similar.
And try to be more concise in the intro and conclusion. The intro is great in the examples of tech that we now take for granted, but that was "sci-fi" just a little while ago :) But it can be more concise. Same with the conclusion.
Let me now if you have questions...and hey! no sign of writer's block anywhere ;>
mrs s