I wish for 20 hours of sleep(rough title)
I sleep, I eat, I cry
For your care is all I need
Im here for you
To comfort you in your sleep
To be there when you cry
To bring you that smile you long
Since you do the same for me
I claw, I protect
For you are my master
I may be difficult to care for
But its worth it in the end
I am a cat
That will always be there for you
hey rebekah!!!
ReplyDeletePs. you are my 3rd give! ahahaha... well, lets's start.
First off, I like the your metephor with cats. I think that they best describe you and the fact that your insanely in love with them!! lol:)
When i think of cats, I think...cute, tiny, vicious and snuggly. I think that you did well in putting this in a poem. Although you may think its not that good, I think you did pretty good.
Your poem flows from beginning to end and your idea of writing the poem as if you are a cat also best expresses your metephoric connection. I can really tell that this poem is you, because it really decribes who you are. You listen to my problems, protective, and you can always cheer me up when im down.
Overall, good poem.
hey rebekah (ooh ur special.. cuz this is my 3rd give too),
ReplyDeletemy first impression of this poem was a calm, soothing feeling... like through this poem it was as if you were comforting a friend.
I personally don't care for cats (im allergic) but i liked the use of verbs like 'claw' and 'protect' , as well as 'comfort', not sure if there are anyother better words out there though
i'd like to see better adjectives though (describing words.. like soft or warm, or endless tears... idk etc.)
this poem is short and simple, but it does flow
from the structure it starts with what the cat is dependent on humans for
and towards then end it shows what the cat's purpose, in return, for the human is.
although im not exactly sure about what you mean when you put
"For you are my master"
i think that part can be changed to something like 'because you care about me' or something of the sort
overall it has a serene feeling- almost reassuring that you'll be there
great job
Hi Greencat ;>
ReplyDeleteNice job on your metaphor! You've taken some of the traits of a cat and applied them to your personality.
I would recommend working furher with your word choice...think about how cats move, what they do, what they are known for...and work from there...
Cats are known for their independence and are different from dogs in that they do not seem as eager to please as dogs :)
This should make an interesting video ;>
mrs s
Arg, fools. Stop posting gives! >:(
ReplyDeleteMakes the rest of us look bad.
The first line makes the statement. It's gentle and happy then serious. It sets the tone of who you are. The lines following that show me what a cat can do, and through you, what you're capable of.
Cats are, in the right hands, nice and happy little balls of fluff. However, like in your 'claw' and 'protect' part, it tells me that you can be something more.
Sorry for the short comment, it's early. >:
I'll post more later.